


Jerome

by Nillen



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Capgras Syndrome, Established Relationship, Fix-It, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3901612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nillen/pseuds/Nillen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Hart is not dead, and Eggsy is not dealing with it very well.</p>
<p>Merlin, on the other hand, should have known better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jerome

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Kingsman: The Secret Service is not mine.
> 
> Warnings: A bit of OOC-ness maybe, I don't know. Grammatical errors (unedited).

The day they announced the new Arthur – the return of the former Galahad – Eggsy had only stared at Harry with a blank expression on his face.

The young Galahad had just finished with his mission in Russia, when Merlin sent him a message to return back to London headquarter as soon as possible. Merlin didn’t know how Eggsy was going to react when he see his mentor – and lover, yes, lover, although they only had 3 days together as such before Harry was shot in the head – but he certainly didn’t expect this.

This lack of emotion, this lack of response.

He just stood in the doorway of the meeting room, eyes locked with the so-very alive Harry Hart and his skin turned pale ghastly fast. But he still didn’t say anything and Merlin saw that Harry also thought that his lack of reaction was uncalled for.

Eggsy didn’t say anything when Harry approached him slowly, quietly, like he was dealing with a ticking bomb, and when he reached out to pull him into a careful hug, Eggsy still said nothing. Even when Harry apologized with a sad smile and guilty eyes, he remained unresponsive.

Merlin should have known something was wrong at that time.

Merlin should have known that.

* * *

 

Harry looked like he was miserable, one week after his return to Kingsman. Merlin tried his best not to get involved in whatever problems the new Arthur and the new Galahad had between them. It didn’t help that Eggsy didn’t look any better. He kept requesting for a new mission every time he finished with one. Harry, although most of the time he seemed reluctant and upset about Eggsy’s refusal to spend time with him, didn’t try to stop Eggsy and make him take a short break.

He granted Eggsy’s wishes without any objection, and Merlin was left with barely suppressed frustration about how emotionally constipated the two of them were being.

So Merlin, being a good friend that he was to one Harry Hart, and a good handler for one Gary ‘Eggsy’ Unwin, decided to take the matter into his own hands.

One day after three weeks of Harry’s return, he cornered Eggsy in his office with a stern face. Eggsy stared back at him with unreadable eyes – something that Merlin couldn’t fathom well and wondered if Lancelot had seen this side of Eggsy as well – and Merlin resisted the urge to reach out and shake him hard by the shoulders.

“What are you doing?” he settled for direct question instead, and watch as Eggsy’s eyes widened a little before the young blond looked away. Merlin refused to stand down, and waited while Eggsy tried to find his way out of the conversation.

“What are you talking about?”

Merlin had nothing but expected that, so he raised his eyebrow and watched as Eggsy’s expression turned stressful and irritated. The blond bit his lower lip, hands clenched into fists and Merlin took a deep breath before he could trust himself to speak again.

“Why are you avoiding Harry? I thought you’d be happy now that he is still alive.”

The glare that Eggsy gave him was a bit surprising, and Merlin had to take one step back when Eggsy straightened himself up, trying to stand tall and strong. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, and Merlin watched with wary eyes and the blond turned away to leave the office.

“You must be kiddin’ me.”

Merlin heard him as he walked passed him. Eggsy’s tone was dark, full with loath and something cold ran through Merlin’s nerves.

Merlin, couldn’t decide what he should think about.

(But Merlin should have known it. He should have had.)

* * *

 

Somehow, strangely, Eggsy had started to become close with Harry again. Merlin didn’t know what happened in between the span of four days Merlin refused to give Eggsy a new mission and he actually managed to force Harry to take some time off, but when he saw Harry coming in with a happy, small smile on his face, and Eggsy with an apparent hickey on the higher part of his neck, Merlin thought that maybe things had gone well between them.

The two of them didn’t show any sort of interaction in front of Merlin, but Merlin saw Eggsy helping Harry with his paperwork, and he saw Harry teaching Eggsy how to use a pair of tonfas in the combat room. They were doing things together, albeit not all the time and there still seemed to be a hesitancy in Eggsy’s body language when Harry touched him. But Merlin thought that was a good improvement.

Merlin thought that maybe he was just imagining the Eggsy he met last week.

So when the office hour came to its end and the few workers that the tailor shop had had left the premise, Merlin sat in the living room wondering about how things had turned out about.

Harry had just left the shop, Eggsy by his side. The older man’s hand was on his back, gentle and composing, and Merlin had watched from the corner of his eyes with his laptop opened in front of him; how Eggsy’s body was stiff as a board and that Eggsy actually took a second too long to respond to the kiss Harry bestowed upon him before the older man ushered him out from the shop.

Everything didn’t really make sense to Merlin, because he saw Eggsy mourned over Harry’s fake death for months. He saw Eggsy refused to eat, Eggsy killing himself by going to missions without backup and the instinct to survive.

He thought that Harry returned to them, alive, was sufficient to make the young man become happy again.

But all he did was acting all cold, fidgety and hesitant.

As if he still couldn’t accept that Harry was now back with them.

Merlin shut down his laptop, took a sip of his brandy, and let out a small sigh.

Whatever it was, Merlin hoped the two of them would be able to work it out.

(Merlin should have known it would not work out. He should have had.)

* * *

 

Harry Hart was a first and foremost, a gentleman. He was all proper and manners, and if anyone dared to say that Harry Hart was something else, he or she was an idiot. So when he lost a little of his control, he would do his best to find his way around the problem, or if it was too bad, he would ask for a help.

Merlin was called into Arthur’s office when he was assisting Lancelot in her new mission in Poland. Right at that moment he could only hope that Harry better had something important to tell him, because Gawain was making a fuss about the honeypot mission he was assigned in Germany. A fussy Gawain was never a good thing.

Once he entered the large office, he met Arthur’s serious eyes and stiff body posture, making something felt alerted in him. Merlin tried to control his composure, and proceeded to lock the door with the gentle motion of the hand.

“Yes, Arthur?”

“Something is wrong with Eggsy.”

Merlin tried his best not to look unsurprised, and he thought he nailed it.

But Harry seemed a little miserable, so Merlin decided to humour him a bit on it.

“What happened?” he asked instead, and the other man let out a sigh, before running a hand through his hair. Harry rarely did that, Merlin thought to himself, so whatever it was, it must be something very distressful. His action made the scar the bullet left on his temple became visible, and Merlin bit the inside of his cheek from making any comment on it. Harry was very wary about the scar and Merlin knew he disliked it very much.

The scar was the proof that he had left Eggsy all by his own for almost a year. It was the proof that he couldn’t be there at times when Eggsy needed him the most. The scar reminded him of his failure, and Merlin knew how much he loathed it for that.

“Eggsy, he…” Harry started a bit, his brown eyes staring at the piles of documents on top of his table, and Merlin waited with practiced patient, “He has been referring to me in the past tense for a few times.”

This, Merlin couldn’t help but felt surprised.

“A few times?” he repeated slowly, and Harry nodded his head. The man looked impeccable in his suit, but Merlin could see that he was still a man in a strained love relationship.

“Yes. At first I thought I was imagining it. But then these few days, he referred to me in the past tense when he was sleepy, tired or feeling sad. I am not sure whether this should call for a help-”

_‘Professional, psychiatric,’_ Merlin’s mind betrayed him by ringing words in his head,

“-but I think, maybe there’s a possibility that he is still trying to cope with the fact that I’m still alive.” Harry finished with a small grimace on his face. Merlin somehow, could hear the little hope in his voice. He didn’t know much about the personal life between Arthur and Galahad. But what he knew was that Harry was never committed in a relationship, not as much as he was committed to Eggsy now. And Eggsy had once told Merlin before, months before they got to know Harry was still alive, that-

_“It didn’t happen with Harry, so it will never happen with anyone else.”_

Their love was sick, and not even ‘until death tear us’ could define their relationship.

“Harry,” Merlin started slowly, didn’t want to say anything that wasn’t in his place to say, but still wanting to see his bestfriend at least as happy as he should have been. “Maybe you two just need to talk.”

The look that Harry gave him was blank. And Merlin had to stifle a sigh because now it was clear; the problem between them.

“Seriously, Harry? You can kill a group of assassins using a paper-clip, and you can’t talk about your feelings like a normal person?” Merlin’s look of incredulous must have worked because Harry had to get to look ashamed. The retired agent rubbed a palm on his face, and took a deep breath.

He didn’t say anything else afterwards, and only let Merlin had his way out when he finally managed to recover himself back to professionalism.

Merlin shook his head with a sigh, and left the room to continue checking on the other agents – and he hoped that was it.

* * *

 

The next day Merlin saw Harry and Eggsy, it seemed that everything was back to okay. The week after that and the month later, everything was also fine. But it was probably because Merlin was too busy trying to disengage MI6 from following their track, thanks to Tristan – who had apologized profusely to Arthur and Merlin but Merlin knew would pull the same stunt if he had to – so when Merlin had the chance to handle Eggsy’s latest case, he was a little bit thrown off.

A little bit, could even be an understatement in Merlin’s situation now.

It was supposed to be a simple mission; Galahad to find a document belonged to a Mob leader somewhere in Italy. Arthur couldn’t take any mission anymore due to the effects of his head injury – Merlin often saw him trying to dissipate a sudden headache and the shaking of his hands – and most of the time, he would accompany Merlin in handling his lover’s case.

But this time around, Eggsy was compromised in a chase. The young agent was fast on his feet, running from a group of men in black suits and guns, and Merlin kept him track of the available way out. Arthur was in his own office while Merlin in his, but he could feel the tension from the three-way communication the three of them are having.

“Merlin,” Eggsy breathed out while making a sharp turn around the corner, the document tight in his grip, “I need a new exit, they knew their ways here!”

“Galahad, take the left corner 300 meters in front of you. Then take another left turn. Don’t stop running.”

He could hear Eggsy cursing under his breath, and Merlin himself was starting to get anxious. It was supposed to be a simple mission, so Eggsy was armed with no backup, and this was going to be the death of Merlin if he couldn’t find a way out for him.

“Merlin.”

Merlin heard Eggsy gasped, and from the glasses, he saw that the blond was now ambushed. There were men surrounding him, and Merlin’s eyes widened fractionally.

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed.” Eggsy breathed out in their comms, and Merlin quickly went through the CCTV surrounding the area to see how trapped the young agent was. While waiting for confirmation, he watched as Eggsy started to fight against the men.

He was quick and sharp, all precision and accuracy, and sometimes Merlin always forgot how similar his fighting skills with Harry’s. It was probably because of the Rainmaker, and how much time the two of them spent together in the combat room whenever they were free at the same time.

“Fuckin’ hell, Merlin,” Eggsy avoided a lash at his neck before proceeding to shoot the man with his gun, “Be fuckin’ quick!”

Fortunately, within the next 5 minutes, Merlin managed to secure another exit, and Eggsy managed to kick enough asses to save his own. Merlin decided that it was luck, definitely luck that made Eggsy returned back to the Headquarter the next day, only with a broken rib and split left wrist.

However, it turned out only Merlin and Eggsy thought that it was luck, because Harry had walked in into the infirmary where Eggsy was being treated, eyes hard and unreadable, and Merlin knew right at that time that was his cue to leave. He nodded to the doctor who had stopped the treatment out of surprise, and the doctor took it as his signal to leave. Harry was still looking at his younger lover; Eggsy on the bed with equally stubborn look on his face. Merlin had to suppress the urge to look up and roll his eyes because, really, lover’s quarrel caused by duties on the field would be the last thing Merlin wanted to see right now.

“I think that’s my cue to go-”

“ _Stay_.”

The stiffness in Eggsy’s body as he grabbed at Merlin’s arm was visible, and Merlin frowned when Harry fisted his hands by his sides; looking all like the killer machine that he was.

“I need to talk to you privately, Eggsy.”

“No.” Eggsy bit his lower lip, and Merlin could almost see the temperature in the room lowered to negative Celsius. This was certainly not the thing that Merlin wanted to deal with. But Harry had probably had enough with Eggsy’s behaviour because all he did next was sprouting words that Merlin would have disapproved if Eggsy’s was not his lover or so.

“For every mission you’ll be taken starting today, you will be accompanied by a backup agent.”

Eggsy’s eyes went wide and Merlin felt the younger man tightened his grip on Merlin’s arm. He wanted to push the hand away because it felt dangerous to be close to the blond when his lover was just a step away. Harry seemed to realize this too, because the new Arthur narrowed his eyes slightly and the veins of his wrists became visible due to the pressure he put onto himself. A moment later, Eggsy himself let go of his grip on Merlin so that he could lash out to Harry with all his anger.

“Why would you do that? I can take care of myself, I don’ need backup all the fuckin’ time!” He snarled angrily and Merlin saw the slipping self-control Harry had because his feet looked like they wanted to step closer and had the boy within arm’s reach.

“That’s an order, Galahad, you have no say upon this-”

“That is not an order, you prick, that’s you being fuckin’ selfish! That’s you tryin’ to control my life and thinkin’ that you have the right to do so! But you know what, no you don’t!”

Merlin took a quiet step back and watched with wary eyes as Harry’s expression hardened even more.

“You almost died, Eggsy-”

“So what?!”

There was a quiet, and little gasp that left Harry’s lips at the response that Eggsy gave him. It was almost unnoticeable, but Merlin saw it with sharp precision, because Harry looked stricken, looked a bit too heartbroken, and it also changed the way Eggsy was looking back at him, as if he regretted those words, and as if he was thinking if there was a way to actually pull them back into his throat.

Merlin felt uneasy in the room, and he tried his best not to say anything at all.

“Harry,” Eggsy breathed out after a long, and heavy silence, and Harry looked away for a bit, staring at his shoes like a kid being scolded for trying to protect what his, and suddenly all of these felt too personal for Merlin to account in. “Harry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Harry-”

Merlin shook his head a bit, and started to leave the room when he saw the opportunity there. His legs were quick to help him make his escape and as he passed by Harry who was now making his way to his lover’s open arms, Merlin could feel the unspoken gratefulness Harry sent his way.

The door behind him swung close with soft murmurs of Eggsy apologizing to Harry and wrapping him in his arms, and Merlin shut it down with a sharp ‘click’.

* * *

 

They were having dinner together in Harry’s house. Harry prepared the meals all by himself in the kitchen, meanwhile Eggsy entertained the guests that came in the living room. It was a small gathering with only the four of them; Merlin, Roxy, Harry and Eggsy. JB was present as well, and currently he was nudging the top of his head against Merlin’s hand, asking for a treat.

Merlin only patted the dog on his head, smiling the pug whined pitifully.

The dinner was nice, before it actually became quite _eventful_ as well.

Probably because Merlin thought that the V-Day was something that Harry and Eggsy had talked about. That was purely the reason why he brought it up and only his experience as a Kingsman that had made him succeeded from letting Eggsy cutting his hand in half.

Eggsy was cutting the turkey into small portion when Merlin commented on how strange things had gone for him. He commented about Harry’s scar on his temple, and from the corner of his eye, he saw Eggsy’s eyes had gone a little wide.

It was a second after that when the knife slipped from his grip, and Merlin, gratefully quick as he was, managed to catch onto the hilt. But it didn’t stop the sharp end to slice onto Eggsy’s left hand fingers, the one that not holding onto the knife.

Roxy gasped a little, quickly taking her napkin to stop the bleeding. However, before she could get near Eggsy, Harry was already there, pulling his young lover away from Merlin’s grip and into his own arms.

“Eggsy, _Eggsy_ ,” the panic could barely be heard over Harry’s firm tone, while he shook his still stunned lover to look at him. Merlin slowly put down the knife, and Roxy stood awkwardly next to him, as they looked at them. Harry had Eggsy’s bleeding fingers in a tight clutch, trying to stop the bleeding using his own handkerchief and Eggsy was still unresponsive in his arms.

“Eggsy,” Harry called him one more time, and finally Eggsy blinked his eyes. The blond looked a bit ruffled, as he blinked his eyes again and caught the stares Merlin and Roxy were given them. Then his skin paled rapidly and he quickly turned to face Harry’s chest. Merlin saw him taking a shaky breath in, and his other uninjured hand was now clutching onto Harry’s waistcoat in a desperate attempt to hide himself from the world.

Harry must have understood this, because he turned to look at them with a wry, apologetic smile on his face, before ushering his lover into the restroom to clean up his wound.

Merlin stared at their disappearing back, one hand unconsciously tracing the hilt of the knife on his table, and Roxy’s voice was the one that broke him out from his dangerous trance.

“I never thought it was that bad.” Her voice was quiet, but tainted with regret, and Merlin could only look away, quietly hoping that things would heal in time for them.

* * *

The phone call was unexpected.

But Merlin was alone in his office, working on the glasses that Tristan had broken into half but containing some important recording that hadn’t been watched by Merlin, and his first instinct was to be alerted. The signal came from Eggsy’s glasses and Merlin carefully reached out, and pressed the button ‘Accept’. The wide screen in front of him lightened up, and Merlin saw the view of Harry’s kitchen.

But what caught his attention was the state of the kitchen, ruined, as if a fight had gone off at the place, and the blood that dirtied the floor.

Eyes wide, Merlin held in his breath and the screen shook as if the person wearing it was trembling so badly.

“Merlin,” he heard Eggsy’s shaky voice called out to him, broken, teary and a little hysterical, “ _Merlin_.”

“Eggsy,” Merlin responded, putting away Tristan’s glasses and something felt like a dread ran through his spine, “Eggsy, what happened?”

“I killed him, Merlin, I killed him.”

Merlin heard his voice, heavy with sobs and the screen continued to shake as Eggsy ran his hands through his hair, “I killed him, Merlin, oh God, I killed him-”

“Who did you kill, Eggsy?” Merlin tried to sound firm and measured, but he couldn’t stop his hands from shivering when Eggsy turned his head a bit to his side, and saw the familiar mop of hair belonged to a person, lying face down on the floor. There were blotches of blood around the still body, and Merlin watched with wide eyes as his eyes sought the familiar brown cardigan and black pants, followed by the familiar pair of black shoes.

It was 11 pm on Wednesday night, and Harry Hart should be at home with his lover, celebrating their second anniversary after missing the first one.

Harry Hart should be safe at home, and his lover shouldn’t be a sobbing mess in Merlin’s ears.

“How dare he tried to disguise as Harry,” he heard Eggsy took a sharp breath in and Merlin couldn’t move, eyes wide and body frozen, “I had to tolerate him because you took too long, Merlin! And you- you made me kill him all while looking like Harry. Where the fuck did he know tonight was supposed to be our anniversary-”

‘ _What_ ,’ Merlin wanted to ask, ‘ _What?_ ’

But his voice stuck in his throat and Eggsy continued to wail, voice bordering to hysterical and suddenly Merlin remembered all the cold gazes, the stiff body language, the lack of love-

“Oh, Eggsy, my boy,” Merlin couldn’t believe himself, and his words came out in a whisper as Eggsy continued to sob and curse everything, the kitchen remained destroyed and the body remained still-

“… What have you done?”

**Author's Note:**

> I know the ending is abrupt, but yeah. Maybe Harry's not dead, yet.
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> I'M STILL LOOKING FOR A BETA THOUGH OH MY GOD PLEASE SOMEONE PLEASEEE BE MY BETA


End file.
